I’m gay, I’ve always been gay. I like men. I want to marry a man and be happy with him for the rest of my life and build a family with him and become a father to beautiful children that I will love with all my fucking heart. I want to own a house with him, cook for him and love him with my whole heart. Be HIS man and he be mine, I want to wear wedding rings with him because he and I would have made a commitment to stick with each other to the end.
I want to go on dates with him, watch movies and cuddle, cry on his shoulder, hold him when he needs to be held, be his shoulder to cry on. To say these vows "…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part". I want that. I want to not be afraid to love him. I want to be accepted and seen as equal in my family, not be talked badly about behind my back by family about how they think my "lifestyle" is wrong. I just want to be fucking happy.
To get the same marital benefits as heterosexual couples. To just be allowed to be a damn human, it means more to me than anything. To some people it’s nothing, for me it’s everything. To talk to my family openly about my boyfriend or husband and there be no judgment. To tell my mother that I love a man and her be happy about it because she knows that I’m happy, and I want my family to love my boyfriend or husband.
Dear Future Lover: I want to be loved with the strength and charm of maturity. I don’t want to be smothered by the fear of jealousy and insecurities. I don’t want a relationship based solely upon shutting the world out and locking each other in. I want to be somewhere where I can breathe. I want you to be fearless with me, to grab my hand and walk through everything with me. I want to be loved with the confidence of the narcissistic, with the faith of unorthodox Christians.
And our love will never be based on proving other people wrong, it’s about proving ourselves and all of the love and emotion between us and proving it to time, that no matter how much it may come between us, it can’t and will never beat us. Nothing can tear us apart. I won’t let it. You’ll always have someone to lean on, someone to tell your secrets to, a pair of arms to fall apart inside of. Someone to trust, I’ll always be your safe haven.
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