Written by Michaela Coel
Girls and guys that think it’s cute to act dumb. Girls; the only men attracted to that, are the kinda men that wanna pick you up by your left ankle and throw you around a room, and guys…that is NOT ATTRACTIVE, you can be as cute as sweet potato pie, and it might even get you somewhere for a hot minute, but once everyone realizes your brain is like a BIG EMPTY CARDBOARD BOX they ain’t gonna want anything to do with you; you don’t have to go to school- but I am TIRED of people not educating themselves on any level.
Women who are looking for ‘The One’…girl…if you’re looking to make that Disney mindset permanent you’ll be saying that in your 60’s.
When people get at me for being single, why are you more concerned than I am? Has God told you something? NO? Then back off, THEN when you get a partner you look at me like I was the only one that wasn’t picked for gym class, chances are you’ll break split up just like all the other partners you’ve had, and why? Because you’ve never been single in your life and you might need some time to find out who you are without Tom Dick and Harry telling you they love you and you’re amazing. Tell yourself your amazing- let’s see how easy it is for you to believe that and be secure.
If you DON’T like someone in a romantic way DON’T call them all the time, DON’T flirt with them, DON’T take them out for a little ‘justthe2ofus’ on their birthday, DON’T describe all their attributes and say that’s what you’re looking for in a partner, DON’T…Ohhh I see! You do like them but you’re not ready? Erm…how about that’s really self-centred, silly and selfish? Think about the other person you’re messing about and confusing.
I cannot stand people who don’t admit to lying in a relationship…the cards are really not in your favour, you might aswell come clean..but do you? NO. You find another way to wriggle out of the lie, you’re not IAN BEALE from Eastenders, this is real life, your partner will not leave you in Season 5, THEY WILL LEAVE YOU NOW.
People that think it’s OKAY to LIE in a relationship if the TRUTH will damage it. ANOTHER LIE you tell YOURSELF
Guys that don’t admit how they feel…like I said…this ain’t TV…you don’t finally admit to your feelings in Season 5 ‘coz she won’t be there…she’ll be married…to someone that isn’t you…obviously. THIS IS FOR YOU- call her, and tell her now, if she’s got two brain cells she already knows anyway! lol
PEOPLE THAT HAVE SEX THEN WONDER HOW THEY GOT PREGNANT…maybe if we pray…the baby will go…?
Girls that get pregnant out of wedlock; don’t mature from it or grow; then try and give me relationship advice like nothing happened just ‘coz they’ve got a kid-no offence, but I’m cool yeah? Having a baby doesn’t make you a woman or give you some automatic wisdom; it’s natural; all you did was have sex, gosh…not encounter the burning bush.
Guys that secretly have sex with men…then marry WOMEN…You’re WRONG. Come clean NOW! If you like men, BE A MAN and tell the truth!
DON’T BREAK UP WITH PEOPLE…THEN GET BACK WITH THEM…THEN BREAK UP WITH THEM AGAIN…if you’re gonna have the strength to break someone’s heart, don’t get guilty and undo it to make them feel better; THEY will learn that your break up will have a positive effect on them in the future- you caused them pain-it is NOT your role to heal them 5 minutes later. It’s like someone beating you senseless then sewing stitches on the wounds.
Girls that ask other guys to ask guys to ask his guy if his other guy Terrell LIKES THEM. URGH. PLEASE. I’ve been the ‘guy that asks’…on many occasions in my life, but I would never be the girl…I just think it’s a little off man.
You were with your man for 3 months and you broke up, it’s day 11, WHY r u still crying? CHILDREN IN AFRICA ARE DYING
TELEPHONE OPERATORS THAT RANDOMLY START FLIRTING WITH YOU…romantic CHEMISTRY…and electricity wires> 2 DIFFERENT THINGS
PEOPLE THAT LIE AND SAY THEY’RE IN RELATIONSHIPS WHEN THEY ARE NOT…although I have done this before, this really is a pathetic disgrace.
Women who don’t do anything but sit there wishing they could get a man/husband GET A LIFE FIRST
Wha gwan sis? Hmm so now that you’ve got a man you’ve gained a stone and ain’t retouched your hair since the 3rd date? How come so many women only take physical care of themselves when they are single…like they only do all that stuff to GET a man *Get-a-man-lock-the-door-on-him*
I HAD A DREAM, YOU WERE MY WIFE AND I WAS BUYIN YOU BARE STUFF…Hahaha!!! NEVER.
“OH I’M SO SORRY, COULDN’T MAKE IT BABY, GOT CAUGHT UP AT WORK, WOULDA CALLED BUT….I’m a cheater so…goodnight, see you in the morning.”
People that break up with someone then find another partner a week later to fill a void; are you the only person that doesn’t see you’re on some temporary ‘rebound’? I mean, once the word ‘rebound’ was created BEING ON the rebound should have ceased.
I’m going to repeat this one because I have a feeling a lot of people will identify with this one…
If you DON’T like someone in a romantic way DON’T call them all the time, DON’T flirt with them, DON’T take them out for a little ‘justthe2ofus’ on their birthday, DON’T describe all their attributes and say that’s what you’re looking for in a partner, DON’T…Ohhh I see! You do like them but you’re not ready? Erm…how about that’s really self-centred, silly and selfish? Think about the other person you’re messing about and confusing.
Feel free to drop a comment of identification/appreciation/orlackoftheprior lol
*DISCLAIMER* All of these entries were written in ONE night on the 7th Jan ’11 in response to a Twitter Trend; I am not depressed or sick of life every day- I’ve just taken all my tweets from that night and meshed them together to make this blog :-)*
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